We all need LOVE and connection. We all have a desire to be loved and give love
It takes COURAGE to love, to open our hearts, to be vulnerable, to say what we truly feel and with no guarantee that it will be reciprocated. Just because we open our hearts and love someone, doesn’t always mean they will love us back.
When we feel like we have met the person of our dreams, the love of our life naturally we don’t want to lose them, why would we? We love them for who they are, the kind of person they are, the totality of their humanity, we love their soul, the essence of who they are. We love their heart.
I am often asked, how to you get over a relationship loss, how do you repair a broken heart? and Is it possible to open yourself up fully, be vulnerable, love and at the same time be guarded?
This week, I was helping a friend of a friend who was heart broken over the loss of a recent long term relationship.
With Valentines Day just around the corner, many couples are planning their romantic getaways, romantic dinners and celebrations. Unfortunately the reality is that for some, Valentines can be hard especially for those who have either recently or in the not too distant past lost what they may consider to be the love of their life, their soul-mate.
When we experience pain we naturally seek comfort our intention to feel better and put an end to suffering. Certainly, there are positive and negative ways to do this and being kind to yourself is a priority. Getting plenty of rest, eating healthy, working out are all positives for example. Certainly we all want to feel better and help heal our broken hearts.
Love affects all our lives. Men, women, young adults, and teens regardless of our color or creed or political point of view. Love is experienced by all of us at some point in our lives and when a relationship ends it can be very painful.
So how do we help to heal a broken heart? What can be done?
Certainly there is a time and place for medicine and popping a prescribed pill can help a person to feel better in some cases. A cardiologist specializes in dealing with heart problems and a surgeon helps to either remove a problematic organ or repair it. But, what do you do when you feel heartbroken as a result of a loss of a relationship? Where do you go to feel better?
How do you put an end to the suffering? Does it ever truly go away?
Time is a great healer. If you truly love someone, I am not sure it ever goes away completely although with time it becomes less painful, easier to bear. We all experience and deal with loss and grief in our own way but there are some things you can do to help ease the suffering. Being compassionate and kind to yourself is important. Certainly the pain of not being with the one you love, your soul-mate is the worse kind. Intuitively feeling and believing you two are on a journey and have a mission together. Believing that fate caused your paths to cross and bring you into each others life. We have all lost someone we cared for and loved deeply. Perhaps someone you felt or think was your soul-mate.
I am often asked, So what can you do to help move past, to progress ahead and help to heal a broken heart?
Here are 3 things you can do
1. Friend – Be your best friend. Give yourself time to move through the process of grief, the loss of your loved one. Being a friend to yourself is giving to yourself the love, compassion and gentleness and patience you need during this difficult time. Taking good care of yourself and loving yourself back to wholeness. Being kind to yourself. Exercise and good nutrition, let food be thy medicine the healthy kind. Realize that grief is a process not a sprint and allow yourself to feel whatever comes up. Being a friend to yourself is being kind to yourself. Do not bash yourself over the head and blame yourself for all the things you did wrong constantly. “I should have” or “I shouldn’t have” that is not going to help you. Hopefully you said your “I love you’s” you said “I am sorry” during the relationship. Realize that any relationship is a risk. We don’t have a crystal ball to predict the future well of course unless you do. In time you will heal. Learning to love is an education and being in love is one of the most beautiful feelings in the world and as we all know, it can be the most painful of experiences when a relationship ends.
2. Learn – Even in the most painful times, we find something to learn. We learn many things and often we learn a great deal about ourselves, who we are. Sometimes we learn more about what we want and don’t want. We learn more about who we are and what we need to do for ourselves. We learn how to love ourselves and be kinder, more compassionate with ourselves. We may even learn where we have been off course in our lives in the past or even in our present relationships. We learn to forgive. We do this for ourselves so we can be free to move on. We learn to love and in time we learn to love again. We learn that all relationships are a risk and that hopefully at some point we get it right. We find lasting love with our soul-mate. Cultivating that love and nurturing that love once we do experience it, can lead to a lifetime of love, a lasting love.
3. Trust – It takes time to trust again and trust has to be earned. Maybe you did tread softly, maybe you did go slow in your relationship and maybe it still didn’t work out. Perhaps the person you were with had built their own castle and walled up. Maybe they didn’t let you in. Maybe they were afraid to let love in. Maybe you still ended up heart broken. Sometimes people do let us down, they disappoint us. Sometimes they are not honest with us and sometimes their intentions are not pure. Sometimes we find ourselves being repeatedly hurt in relationships. Trust breakdowns when a person lies, cheats and isn’t forthcoming with information, when they hide and withhold. We may even believe that we can’t trust anyone, because every time we do we get hurt. The pain of being hurt can be so much to bear that we even wall up and block out people from getting into our space. It is natural to want to protect ourselves when we have been hurt so deeply before. It’s also wise to be cautious, to be somewhat on guard. Sometimes people do take advantage and sometimes people hurt us.
If you find that you are in the process of healing a broken heart. Do something kind for yourself this Valentines. Do something that will help you to feel better. Give love to yourself. Pamper yourself. Be your own best friend. Spend time with positive people, connect with friends again and yourself. Don’t try to block out the pain, realize it is a process it takes time. You will heal, you will feel better and you will love again.
Wishing for you love and healing, strength and learning and faith in fate. Because, if two hearts are really destined to be together one way or another they will be. Sometimes relationships don’t work out because the timing isn’t right or other circumstances get in the way. Sometimes it just isn’t mean’t to be. It doesn’t always mean it will never work out but sometimes it has come to an end. It has run it’s course. In the end we can choose to chalk it up as experience and learn somethings we might not have known before or had somethings confirmed to ourselves, to not judge it as right not wrong, so see it as it just is. There is something to learn in every experience. Relationships are a risk.
Today, do something kind for yourself, you deserve it!
From my heart to yours,
Janet I Mueller is the author of her forthcoming book “The Blossoming – A Leaders Guide 10 Keys To Unlocking Your Blooming Potential” and “A Champion’s Guide To Thriving Beyond Breast Cancer. She is a mentor for the Branson Centre of Entrepreneurship, and recognized as a woman of outstanding leadership by the International Women’s Leadership Association. She is a parent educator, writer, coach and speaker. She helps her clients and audience inspiring and instructing helping them to become the best leaders they can be through personal growth and development and servant leadership http://janetimueller.com