We all want LOVE + PASSION.
When two people are intentionally wanting to work on their relationship there is a chance it can work. The desire and intent has to be there! We cannot change the other person’s behavior, but we can focus on our own behavior and how we choose to react and respond to circumstances. We can also choose and set standards for ourselves of what we are willing to tolerate and not tolerate in a relationship. Ground rules and deal breakers for example. Sometimes though there are real difficult situations, relationships that are not healthy for us. Sometimes the other person is not willing to look at their own behavior much less do anything about it.
If you are the only one in your relationship that wants it to be great and who is willing to work on it and there is no desire, energy or effort or interest from your partner, you could be facing an uphill battle. It might feel like they have literally just checked out.
I am all for trying to see the positive intent behind a person’s behavior and actions but I also think there are some deal breakers, lines that are crossed in some relationships. Even after many discussions a person may just continue the behavior that makes the other very unhappy, sometimes this happens because the other person needs to be right and is less concerned with making his or her partner happy.
If we are not meeting each others expressed needs, then what are we doing?
In a relationship, meeting each others needs ought to be a priority. It’s not about giving what we want to give them, it is about giving them what they say and express they want , feel and need. We ought to be striving for harmony and happiness in a relationship and not just fire hosing whatever we want to give.
I’ve listed 9 situations down below that many women have shared with me in the past years, as to what some of their challenges and difficulties in relationships have been or that for some they still are facing. Many if not all of these we believe are serious issues in a relationship.
As women, I am sure we can all remember a time at some point in our lives that we were in a relationship with a man or partner that in time proved to be not healthy for us. We get what we tolerate. We may not have realized it at the time or until we’d been involved with them for a long time.
While I am not suggesting we wallow in those memories, because naturally it may not bring forth positive feelings for many, yet I do think it serves a purpose for us to see the light in the darkness, as we move forward and have or do make better choices and decisions for the future.
If we want to have healthy intimate relationships we must have a standard for ourselves of what we do want, of what we believe we are worthy of having. We have to believe we are worthy of the love and great intimate relationship we want.
Here are 3 things you can do to get the ball rolling
1) Making a list, a specific list of whom your ideal partner is, to get the ball rolling.
2) Working on you, to be your best self.
3) Being crystal clear on what you do want in your ideal partner and knowing what you do not want.
While all relationships are not going to be perfect, we can assume that certain behaviors do not lead to a fulfilling happy and healthy relationship. I speak to many women, and here are some of the challenges and issues they have shared, that clearly are not ingredients towards a happy and healthy relationship.
Some and indeed many of these issues were deal breakers for some women. Here are some of the issues that women experience /d and came looking for help with coaching.
1. When a partner withholds money or hides and lies about finances, takes actions regarding money without discussions with his wife and or abuses her credit.
2. When a partner withholds sex. Rejects his partner on their honeymoon and all through the marriage.
3. When a partner never listens to you, they are are always distracted not interested in you or what you have to say.
4. When a partner has no desire to make things work, they blame everyone else it’s never their fault or responsibility.
5. When a partner constantly blames the other person for their own mistakes.
6. When a partner is not supportive emotionally and in some case tries to hold their partner back from doing what they want to do, from fulfilling their dreams and goals in life.
7. When a partner only wants you around to cook, clean and do things for them. Treating you as they treat their mother or as a maid rather than a wife.
8. When they belittle or put you down in public.
9. When they always insist on being right and constantly argumentative and combative just for the sake of being right, to hammer home their point and never letting you speak, constantly interrupting you and making you wrong.
Often the way a person treats you, is really a reflection of how they see themselves, of how they feel about themselves. It’s not often about you. It is about them.
If you or someone you know is experiencing any of the above challenges or wants help to improve your relationships then working with a coach such as myself can help.
In my coaching practice, I love helping women and I invite you to receive a complimentary coaching strategy session with me. Email to: firstname.lastname@example.org to schedule yours.