I am often asked…How do you raise your self-esteem? and why is self-esteem important?
“If you think you can, you can, if you think you cannot you are right”
- Self-esteem is success and failure.
- What we believe is our destiny.
Certainly, self-esteem is a psychological urgent need. Our self-esteem is who we think we are, who we believe we are and is based on what we actually DO. It is not based on what we’d like to do, or what we think sometimes it is rather based on what we actually do, our actions and behaviors. Our self-esteem is what we think of ourselves, not what others think of us. Sometimes other people’s beliefs of who they think we are affect how we feel about ourselves. Self-esteem is an inside job. You can try to seek it in material things, in a face lift and in many other external ways until the cows come home but the truth of the matter is, it is internal. Self-esteem real self-esteem isn’t based on our looks. It is the internal relationship we have with ourselves. It is who we believe we are.
The aim is to be FOR ourselves and not in adversary with ourselves.
Certainly, we can improve ourselves to feel better and that is terrific especially if it meets a value you have and it honors you. We might also need to make changes in our lives to truly honor and value ourselves.
What we DO matters
When our actions and behaviors are aligned with what we value and believe, and match the standards we have for ourselves then we honor ourselves. When we live into those values we are in-integrity with ourselves. We are in alignment. There is congruency. The result is we are more fulfilled in life at peace with who we are.
At is core, self-esteem is believing we are lovable, capable, worthy and able of having the love we want, the friendships we desire and the happiness we can create and generate in our lives. Believing we are worthy of all these.
When we are out of alignment we need to adjust, just like when our bodies feel out of alignment we may visit a chiropractor for example. When our values and standards are not being met and honored in life based on either our actions, and behaviors or by choosing to tolerate or settle for less than we value in life then we find there is a…
When our values are dishonored or compromised, when we are out of alignment with what we want, feel and desire, when our actions and behaviors don’t align with what we believe and value then there is discord.The music doesn’t sound or feel right. We are not honoring ourselves. We are not in integrity with ourselves. Perhaps we have settled for less than we think, sense or feel we deserve or that we have comprised our standards and values in some way. In a career, in a relationship, in life.
So what can you do to close the GAP and raise your self esteem?
How can you truly honor you?
The first thing you can do it get clear, Have clarity around what you do want. What it is that you do value.
Here are three things you can DO to help raise your self esteem:
1. Values – First things first. You must get in touch with what you deem of value. What is important to you in life? What do you value? Do you value leading a healthy lifestyle? Do you value a great relationship? Do you value time? Do you value family? Do you value saving money? Do you value travel? Do you value friendships? Write down a list of your core values a list of 5-10. Next self reflect and see based on your actions and behaviors are you currently in alignment with these values or at odds? Where could you improve? Is there any misalignment? How big is the gap on a scale of 1-10? Are you honoring your values, could you improve or are you good to go? Rate yourself based on your actions and behaviors (1) being low and (10) the highest met value.
Clarity – deciding what is important to you in life and what you value is the first step.
2. Accept – Self-acceptance is to accept all parts of ourselves. To accept our strengths, our weakness’s, our talents, gifts, and the things we dislike about ourselves. It’s not about liking everything about who we are, it is rather being willing to accept ourselves. Certainly we can all strive to improve ourselves and for this to happen we must first accept all that we are including the parts we like, dislike and the parts we desire to improve upon we must choose to own all of it. When we do this we can then make any improvements, or changes we desire in order to grow, to get better and make progress.
3. Act – Take action. Behave and act in such ways that honor your values. Now that you have your list of core values, the things that matter most to you in life you have a guide. You have set a standard for yourself. You have decided what you will tolerate and not tolerate. How are you currently honoring your values? is there a need for improvement? Is there a need for more action? How does your behavior and actions prove that you are honoring your values? Are you settling for less than you sense, think and feel you are worthy of? Do you need to make any changes? What are you doing? Take some time to reflect and be honest with yourself and ask “Am I in alignment, am I congruent, am I honoring my values and standards in life and am I in integrity with what I believe and think”?
What if anything needs to change? What do you notice?
Certainly, self-esteem affects our lives, our careers, our relationships, our success, our failures, our overall life satisfaction and happiness. As leaders taking time to self reflect, to be self aware is important. To work on the inside first. All excellent leaders do this. They are self aware not self absorbed or selfish, they get to know thyself and in turn are better leaders. They lead from the inside out.
How are you honoring yourself? How are you living into your values?
Janet I Mueller is the CEO of J Mueller Group. She passionately serves and helps her clients and audiences to unlock and achieve their full potential, raise their self-esteem through personal growth and leadership development. Helping leaders to become excellent leaders through practice and philosophy of servant leadership. Janet is a mom, educator, executive coach, speaker and published author. Coming soon, her new book “The Blossoming – A Leader’s Guide 10 Keys To Unlocking Your Blooming Potential”. Author of “A Champion’s Guide To Thriving Beyond Breast Cancer”Janet is an advocate for women and girls and member of RAINN the largest national anti sexual assault organization. She is hired to speak on personal growth, leadership development and self-esteem.
Learn more and meet Janet here: http://janetimueller.com
To work with Janet or hire her as a speaker for your event please inquire here: email@example.com