How To Be More Present

Why does presence matter?

I am often asked why does presence matter?

Certainly, in coaching presence IS everything, we call this being in the moment. And indeed in all our relationships presence is everything!  Without presence there can be no intimacy.

Presence matters because when we are truly present with another human being, we are in tune with them, we hear them, we sense and feel them. Our attention is focused on them and we are not distracted. We are meeting another where they are. Seeking to understand them. We are setting aside our own thoughts and agenda to be present, to really listen to that person.

What greater gift can we give another human being than our presence? To be seen, felt, validated and understood, now that is a gift. Certainly we all want that.

When was the last time you sensed and felt truly listened to or understood by someone? How did that feel?

Presence creates intimacy, there is an aliveness, an energy, a spark. There is chemistry! We throw the ball back and forth, we pitch AND catch.

Have you ever tried to have a conversation with someone who is always distracted and not listening? Often they ask you to repeat yourself due to their lack of presence. This can be exhausting trying to have a conversation with someone who is not present.

Presence in relationships is everything. Without presence there can be no intimacy.

How often do we really listen to the person we meet or are with? How much do we really know about them? Did we stop to inquire and ask them questions or were we focused only on our agenda, on what we wanted to gain from the conversation?

For example, when it comes to dating we listen and learn about the person we are dating, we ask questions to get to know someone right. We are attentive, to find out what they care about, what they like to do, what their interests and hobbies are, what their goals and dreams are in life, we learn perhaps for example, that they like to golf, that their favorite food is Chinese, they have a fear of heights, and like chocolate chip cookies and they love to travel and read and write. We get to know these things because we were present, we cared enough to listen and ask questions, to learn more about the other person.

Have you ever experienced a lack of presence?

Perhaps you have been out to dinner and the person you were with payed more attention to their cell phone than you, not fun. Perhaps you excitedly shared your dreams and goals with them only to find that they had no interest. Or maybe you wanted to plan out the future with them and they were content living day by day and they were not interested in creating a plan, or being present paying more attention to the Fox news updates rather than the next 5-10-15 years of life. Maybe a connection was lost intellectually, emotionally, spiritually and physically.

Certainly in all relationships presence IS everything!

Presence is something we can all choose to generate. We can choose to be more present, to pay attention, to listen and to meet a person where they are. Remembering that one of the best gifts you can give another is your presence. When this happens, they feel and sense they are seen, heard, validated and understood.

So how can we be more present? We can be more present when we practice these three simple steps:

Give these three steps a try this week and see if your relationships improve with others:

Three simple steps to more presence:

Step #1

Switch Off

Turn off the TV, put the laptop down, turn the ringer off on your phone and disconnect so you can connect with your loved ones and the people you meet this week. Sit across the table and look into their eyes. Now listen and ask questions.

Step #2


Stop. Look and Listen. Stop what you are doing, put down the dishes, turn off the Monday night football game, look your loved one in they eye and listen, be attentive, be present and listen to them as they share their day and ask questions, so what was your day like?

Step #3

Turn Down The Noise

To be truly present, you need to set aside your own thoughts, agenda and aims for the conversation. Don’t ignore what you think or feel, rather put the other person first. Listen to them, ask them questions, learn about their day.

Give these three simple steps a try this week and see if your relationships and communications with others improve. Invest in your relationships and give the gift of presence. Unwrap the gift of your presence today and make someone else sense and feel heard, understood and validated.

Janet I Mueller is the CEO of J Mueller Group. She passionately serves and helps her clients and audiences to unlock and achieve their full potential, to raise their self-esteem through personal growth and leadership development. Helping leaders to become excellent leaders through practice and philosophy of servant leadership. Janet is a mom, educator, executive coach, speaker and published author. Coming soon, her new book “The Blossoming – A Leader’s Guide 10 Keys To Unlocking Your Blooming Potential”. Author of “A Champion’s Guide To Thriving Beyond Breast Cancer” Janet is an advocate for women and girls and member of RAINN the largest national anti sexual assault organization. She is hired to speak on personal growth, leadership development and self-esteem.







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