This is THE million dollar question.
When it comes to relationships, it’s not one size fits all. I believe it begins with being honest with yourself about who you are and what you want in an ideal or dream partner!
What does this have to do with leadership? Everything as it happens. To lead well, we ought to first lead ourselves.
As we think of success and what it means to each of us personally, one aspect of success for us is likely being with our dream partner.
A successful relationship requires that one must first know one’s-self. An awakening to one’s-self. To honor our truths, to not run from them.
To lead one’s-self, one must know who he or she is. To lead one’s-self is the first step to leading all others. To lead one’s -self IS to awaken to our deeper personal truths. For some this may be hard, because we might without realizing it, try to even deny ourselves of what we really feel and most want and we may out of fear run in the opposite direction, away from what we really want. And why?
Why would we do this?
Why would we run from what we most want? We all have a universal need to be loved, to love and give and receive love. Sometimes it can be worthiness issues. Self-Esteem challenges and sometimes we may have limiting beliefs. There are also real facts too of why we may not be able to have what we want.
The gift is this. As we, you and I face our personal truths, we can then choose to pay these pearls of wisdom forward and help those we love and care about, encouraging them to fulfill their most honest truths.
Why do as many as 50% marriages end in divorce?
Is this preventable? Do we give up too soon? Do we not know what we want when we begin a relationship with someone? Do we fear deep intimacy and hide in our work?
A grit and stick to it lifer school of thought is great, in a healthy relationship and not so much a good thing in an unhealthy marriage. No matter what a persons religious beliefs I believe it is not a good thing to stay in an unhealthy marriage. I also believe that marriage takes work. It is hard. It is not always a walk in the park. Certainly no marriage is perfect.
“How will I know when I’ve met my dream husband”
There comes a point as Moms, Parents and Grandparents that we are faced with such questions from our precious inquisitive minds, our daughters and granddaughters and they look to us as they seek our wisdom about matters of the heart. And our job is to do our best, to help answer these kinds of questions in the best possible way we know how as we aim to help and guide our children.
This week my daughter and I were having a discussion as part of our “growing up” – theme conversation when she asked… “Mom, how will I know when I’ve met my dream husband”
Certainly this is a question most of us have asked, wondered, and or thought about at some point in our lives. Sitting in French class at sixteen I recall my friend Joanne and I talking about who we would one day marry and what we would eventually like to name our children. We were planners and visionaries and dreamers then!
As with anything else, to know when we have met Mr. Right verses Mr. Right Now, we ought to have clarity a clear picture of who our ideal Mr. Right is so we know when we have met or are with him. As girls we perhaps even recall daydreaming about who we shall one day marry and what girl doesn’t want a White Knight or Prince. To marry a man who she can feel emotionally secure with, who encourages her dreams and who can weather her storms. A strong man. Someone who she can be with in the hustle and bustle and busy times in life and in the quietest of moments and still feel connected and his presence. Sometimes we meet our ideal, dream partner in the most unexpected of places. And when we are not looking for him.
Sometimes when we are afraid of LOVE a vulnerability, we may run all the way to Med school. Perhaps We are afraid of intimacy. Or maybe we fear the other person don’t care at all. Maybe we have every reason to believe they don’t. And yet we hope. We have faith. We can’t shake the feeling, the intuitiveness, the vision we have. We may not always know “HOW” and yet we can know “WHAT or WHO”. This we can be clear on and for many of us, we’ve known and had clarity of this for the longest time. We are certain in what we want.
Self-awareness is to know who we are, what we value, what we like and LOVE, what we will and will not tolerate are keys to being with your someday dream partner.
While we all have unique preferences and tastes when it comes to LOVE and our ideal partner, I do believe there are some universal truths, some key qualities we can pay attention to and also be mindful of for ourselves and as we help to educate and teach those we care about to be looking for when it comes to answering the question “How will I know when I’ve met my dream husband”
We can save ourselves time and heartache, in kissing lots of frogs perhaps by being crystal clear at the onset about what we want and are looking for in our most ideal dream partner.
So how can you tell if you have met Mr. Right? Here’s are four idea’s, some thoughts on what to look for.
My advice would be to consider these four things to pay attention to:
Is he a man of his word? Can he be trusted? does he do, what he says he’s going to do, and when he says he is going to do it? Is he reliable? A women wants to feel secure knowing that she can count on her man to be there for her, to do what he promises, to keep his word and not let her down. When a woman feels that she can take a man at his word, to count on him emotionally, there is a deep sense of trust that is built. Just as in a friend, we want to trust our friends and trust has to be earned. To marry a man who is not a man of good character can have detrimental effects that could end up hurting you and your character, all that you’ve worked hard to build. You can tell a lot about a man by what he does. Most importantly, does he treat you well? Is he kind, respectful, generous, attentive, loving and present? Does he listen to you and care about what’s important to you?
What do you admire, not desire but admire about him? What is it about him that is so great? What does he stand for? What do you most respect about him? Respecting him for who he is as a person, matters most. Is he a good person? Certainly, respect has to be earned, a man is respected not because he demands to be, rather he has earned the right to be respected. He is a man of good character. A man of good morals. A man of poor character can shout and yell and demand all day to be respected and do nothing to earn your respect. He can promise you all kinds of things and deliver or none.
3. Sense of Humor
He makes you smile and laugh. A man that can make you smile and laugh can warm your heart even on the coldest of winter and blustery of days. Warming your soul like a cup of hot chocolate in-front of a burning fire. The fact that he is funny and positive and encourages your dreams lets you know he cares. He can bring a smile and burst of laughter upon you when you least expect it. Marry someone you like, who is FOR you, with you, not against you. Marry a man who can make you smile and laugh.
In your eyes, he IS beautiful. A beautiful soul. Beyond the person he shows to outside world, deep down you ‘see him’ you know him and feel him and sense in your heart who is. You believe he’s beautiful in many ways. Maybe he lit a fire in your soul and gave you a part of yourself you didn’t even know existed. You like who you are with him. He has a way of bringing out the best in you. “I like me with you” “I like who we are together” You feel like it’s you and him together, against the world. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder after all and to you, he is beautiful.
What advice do you or have you given to your daughters or granddaughters when they ask…”How will I know when I’ve met my dream husband”
No relationship is perfect, there will always be hills and valleys. And then there is joy and happiness and laughter and LOVE.
Believe that Your Mr. Right is out there somewhere. Find yourself first. Know what you want.
Who is your Mr Right?
Janet I Mueller is the CEO of J Mueller Group. She passionately serves and helps her clients and audiences to unlock and achieve their full potential, raise their self-esteem through personal growth and leadership development. Helping leaders to become excellent leaders through practice and philosophy of servant leadership. Janet is a mom, educator, executive coach, speaker and published author. Coming soon, her new book “The Blossoming – A Leader’s Guide 10 Keys To Unlocking Your Blooming Potential”. Author of “A Champion’s Guide To Thriving Beyond Breast Cancer”Janet is an advocate for women and girls and member of RAINN the largest national anti sexual assault organization. She is hired to speak on personal growth, leadership development and self-esteem.
To work with Janet or hire her as a speaker for your event please inquire here: firstname.lastname@example.org